We just went to see Kung Fu Panda – yet another “hero finds himself” tale all wrapped up in a 3d animation box and a slapstick bow.  This story features the self-doubting hero common in kids programs these days. He, like Barbie Mariposa,  that Cow in Barnyard, and any number of soldier ants/insects in these animation vehicles, is a guy who just likes to party, have fun, live in his dreams. He has no faith in his abilities and has several glaring character flaws. Like the pothead male protagonist in Knocked Up, Po the Panda is unattractive, overweight, lacks self-control, is disrespectful and prone to inappropriate jokes.

That this loser could be a the hero of a story is questioned by everyone in the story but a cliche-lisping, senile old tortoise with a degenerative nerve disease. Here’s the problem I have with this genre of kids movie: the “good guys” are unlikeable: they are mean and quick to judge. They talk cruelly behind Po’s back, demonstrating the kind of cool-kid clique-ism that in the real world leads to bullying. I don’t understand why anyone would want to “belong” with assholes like them. But… Po is desperate to win their favour and of course, through “accepting himself” (i.e. his fatness/essential panda-ness), he can ignite a nuclear-strength blast of yellow light that will obliterate the enemy and win him fame and, more importantly, large-scale community acceptance.

This was as bad as the Ant Bully, in which a mean-spirited boy who beats on others because he is beat on ends up getting a taste of his own medicine and trying to save the very community he tried to destroy. This is the same as Annekin Skywalker, a sullen and miserable child whose temper tantrums lead to the mass slaughter of the Jedi – and to mass emulation on Hallowe’en. Mariposa pathetically begs all the characters to admit to loneliness and shyness too – she will never truly fit in until she wins big pretty sparkley wings for her troubles. Give me a hero – give me an unlikely one -  clumsy one, a bookish one, a shy one, but give him something redeemable, something we as an audience can see that is more worth watching than the hero’s clumsiness.  And give me a role model, someone who doesn’t just (like Tigress) do cool kung fu moves, but who lives a value too, who stands up to the cruel community.

On the other side of Kung Fu Panda – the Bad Guy is the real underdog. He was abandoned at the gate of the temple, brainwashed into thinking some scroll was the most important achievement for his lifetime, desperate to win the approval his adoptive father, and then when all was lost, exploded with rage. He was imprisoned under extreme conditions and for 20 years became more and more angry, plotting his escape. An escape which was worthy of an indiana jones story, or a video game – it was exciting, daring, and even admirable. He has no hope for redemption. He can only be destroyed. His story is tragic, more so because his heartfelt and deeply motivated struggle for achievement is thwarted by the out-of-shape, irreverent loser described above. He, like Po, has bound up his self-worth into his physical attributes, but inexplicably he cannot transform.

These issues did not appear to dawn on the children in the theatre, whose delighted laughter pealed out with every blow.  They even clapped.